Archive for the ‘mildly amusing’ Category

cure

When people approach me to donate money for cancer research, they look almost disgusted when I refuse.

It is not that I am heartless about people’s plight.

It is just that I am aware of a couple of different facts.

First, in 1931, the Nobel prize in medicine went to Otto Heinrich Warburg who was nominated an unprecedented three separate times for different achievements.

He won the Nobel for demonstrating the basics in the growth of cancer cells. And, conversely, how to combat the disease.

His work is marginalized today.

Secondly, the billions given for research into a “cure” for cancer will be patented by the developer and sold – at enormous markups – to patients the world over.

In other words, these people do not really want a “cure” so much as a proprietary treatment they can make a fortune off while the general population foots the research bills.

Yeah, I know… I’m a cynic.

But if Warburg was right and the treatment can be successful through dietary adjustments alone then no one will be able to patent any “wonder drug” and keep their stockholders happy as the capitalist clams they want to be.

Yeah, I know… I’m a cynic.

But that’s just me.


Russia’s President, Vladimir Putin, had welcomed activist/whistleblower/traitor/hero Edward Snowden into Russia some time ago.

Snowden asked for asylum and Putin responded with “not if you continue to release documents that hurt the US” and Snowden withdrew his request.

Now it appears Snowden has rethought things and asked again for Russian asylum and Putin is dragging his feet.

Does the threat of damaging US/Russia relations really loom that large in the man’s mind? Is he really worried about his loss of face because Obama is arriving there next week?

Or does this really have more to do with the aliens he’s already granted asylum to… you know those ones from outer space that he mentioned last fall.

Could the aliens be directing his turnaround?

Is this a stupid idea or what?

(but I thought I’d see if it had legs)


mouse that roared

Looks like North Korea is madder than a wet hen and they’re not going to take this abuse lying down!

No, sir!!

They refuse to be pushed around by the United States anymore.

And if we don’t stop, they are going to nuke the U.S.!

Hey! I’m shaking already.

But actually, this reminds me of a very humorous book I read years ago about the Duchy of Grand Fenwick and that tiny nation’s war with the United States.

The book, the Mouse that Roared, was written by Leonard Wibberley in 1955 and subsequently made into a movie by the same name starring Peter Sellers. I took to it immediately as I am fond of rodent-related humor.

The context of the story was the US production of a “knock-off” of their famous pinot wine. It was hurting their economy, so they declared war. The idea was to lose the war and get a large “aid package” from the Americans.

Unfortunately, the armor-clad troops from Fenwick arrive in New York during an air raid and stumble across a serious bomb (called “the Q bomb”), which they take and then force the US to sue for peace.

It was all very humorous.

Almost as funny as what North Korea is doing. Although it is quite a bit larger than the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, their threats are as comical.

After all they did recently send Dennis Rodman back to us.

But I still think I’ll wait until the film comes out.

Too bad Peter Sellers isn’t still around.

All these politicians are racing around like heads with their chickens chopped off trying to stem the tide called “fiscal cliff”.

If they were really serious about the whole fiscal cliff issue, they would reduce their own salaries, pass the balanced budget amendment, AND give the president the line-item veto. They would rather panic at the year end, every year.

And they would also stop adding pork-barrel riders to bills that have nothing to do with the riders.

In order words, they would become fiscally responsible.

Yeah… like that’s gonna happen.

Not in my lifetime, I am certain. Those guys will take the country down to hell in a hand-cart before they stop greasing the palms that got them elected. It’s not in their character to do anything for the people.

Jeez! What a bunch of lily-livered cowards. But – Hey! – we keep re-electing them, right?

Just desserts and all that…




Well, I am a cynic, you know.



It seems the Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev recently let the cat out of the bag about aliens living in Russia. And I don’t mean the sort of illegal immigrants that snuck over the border from Parangaluchistan or wherever.

He was talking about extraterrestrials. Some who merely came to visit and some who stayed here.

When asked how many there were of these aliens-in-residence, he referred the person to the “Men in Black” movies for a rough idea.

Holy cow! I wonder if their agents are named “J” and “K” or do they follow the Cyrillic alphabet? Probably the latter and so I can’t help you with the names. Sorry.

But this does bring to mind a short story I wrote when I was fifteen (and that was a long time ago) called “The Russians Have The Man From Space” and I tried to get it published ‘way back then but no one picked it up. I’ll probably have to go out and dig through the garage in my old files to see if I even have a copy of the thing still.

Knowing me – like most writers – I don’t throw that sort of thing away. You know, just in case it might become relevant someday…

And that day looks like it has finally arrived!!

So, if I can find it, I will put it up here shortly.

That is, if the Russian agents don’t come get me first.

I hope not. I won’t be able to keep their names straight!

I was in a waiting room the other day (no, not the doctor… but thanks for caring) and looked around for a magazine to riffle through while waiting and it seemed the wait might be longer than interminable.

No magazine rack. No unruly pile of well-worn last year’s Sports Illustrated or ESPN News… not even a copy of Golf Digest.

But in front of the couch I was sitting on was a “coffee table” though there was no urn in sight. And I coulda used a cup to help me stay awake, too.

Anyhow, there was a book on the table.

Only one.

With the reading materials category being so severely limited, I picked it up. It was, of course, a “coffee table book” and it was heavy!! I set it on my lap and spent about five minutes massaging my elbow, aching from the strain of the grab and lift.

Ah, but back to the book. It had thick glossy pages filled with full-color photos of the American West, or more specifically Arizona. It was a collection of the best photographs from “Arizona Highways” magazine. Some of them were ancient! Sepia toned prints from Ansel Adams and a couple of other old dudes snapping shots of the Grand Canyon… you know, before the tourists got there and brought their burros.

Anyway, that’s when I got this great new idea for a coffee table book. It is called The Coffee Table Book. Catchy, huh?

And it will be filled with the history of… the coffee table. And it will be filled with full-color shots of… coffee tables. All different styles, designs, and so forth.

And sitting on each one, placed near the center (prominent position), unobstructed by plants, candles, or annoying coffee cups, will be The Coffee Table Book!


Wow! Wouldn’t that be so… so… well, so something, I am sure.

So, if you’ve got the inclination for that one, it’s yours.

But I’d still like to have the credit, maybe tucked away somewhere behind the title page, eight-point font, below the copyright information, perhaps.


Thanks!


Days on End

Posted: November 28, 2012 in mildly amusing
Tags: , , ,

Friends tell me I should get a hobby.

What, writing isn’t a hobby?! For all the writing I have done in my life – and it has been a bunch, I can tell you (I even have a file cabinet full of little snippets written on napkins, paper bags, and the small blank spaces between the columns on a newspaper) – the meager amount of sales makes this enterprise a hobby!!

Otherwise I would be soaking up the rays this winter from the white sands of Majorca. Ah, dream on.

Most hobbies involve “collecting” things. Things! Like what do I know about “things”? When I was younger, I collected scars. Not that I was clumsier than others, I think all kids do collect scars. And I would even tear the scabs off so they would re-scab and keep my “macho” image going a little while longer. (Yeah, like three-year-olds even think of such a thing.)

But I have come up with something I would like to collect. Seems I am always running out of time and so many people I know seem to have too much of the stuff. I’ll call the collection “Days on End” and I can pull them out and enjoy them whenever I feel in a time crunch. I might even begin to think I actually have some spare time.

Only thing, I cannot seem to find an outlet for the stuff. Hard to collect what you can’t find…

So, if any of you have an extra day, a spare half-day you’d like to get rid of, send it along to me. I’d hate to see this collection stand empty for too long.

Yeah, I know you’d like to help… that’s why I kept this short…

But whose got the time, huh?